Cohen outlines the future world of work as one that will be influenced by the search for meaning at work – meaning that goes beyond money. The war, she says, is only the catalyst for this process. "Organizations need to understand that people can't come back from the battlefield and land at work into 'business as usual' mode. These are people who have done something important and meaningful, and therefore their work must also come from a place of values, of internal motivation. Not because they were told or that they are being managed, but because it is important and meaningful for the employee.
"The more where they came from shook them, the harder it will be for them to return to banality. It's not just the psychological element of the transition between the guns and shareholder profit. A lot of people did things that no one asked them to: those who came even though they weren't called, or who invented a tank company lying in warehouses. Their ability to return to a banal and small place will not hold water. Even if in the short term it looks like people are back as usual, we will see how these waves develop."
"Lean on more legs"
Cohen claims that these are processes that would have happened anyway. "If there's a work-life struggle, life will always win. Therefore, the role of employers during such a period is not to bring people into a struggle, but to enable the delicate balance between functional continuity at work and personal needs, both functional and mental.
"Managers must be more flexible and more humane. They need to ask employees how they're doing, listen to their answer and see how they can help. For example, paying for a babysitter or meals for the family, being more flexible working from home, shifting tasks between people, and best of all, managing them through tasks rather than hours. Reflect their priorities and explain what's critical."
Dr. Dori Rubinstein, photo: uncredited
Cohen sheds another light on another side: the war shook the world of work. Many salaried employees, or their spouses, were placed on unpaid leave, and many self-employed people discovered that the state did not provide them with a safety net – and their business collapsed while they (not) slept. "People will understand that you have to lean on more legs. We can't rely only on the state or only on the employer, and it's important for us to learn to do more things and be flexible."
And another, no less important issue: while the men (in general, since women also fight in this war, and their spouses remain to run the house) were in battle, their wives remained at home to take care of the children and work at the same time. Apart from worry and longing, they encountered in some cases the opacity of their workplace in light of the difficulties they experienced. There will be reservists who will return home and discover the practical impact of the war not only on their business, but also on their spouses.
Cohen notes that when soldiers returned to their homes in the United States after the Vietnam War, they found that while they were going through hell, the world at home went on as usual. This feeling, when adapted to the reality in Israel, can be seen in the skit of a wonderful country "How good it is that you came home", in which Udi Kagan plays a soldier who returned from battle and around the Friday table his family argues just as before the war.
"Anyone who returns and discovers that everything went as usual, including workplaces that did not take into account the complex situation of soldiers' spouses, will lead another wave of updating norms in the world of work," Cohen concludes.
Last week, the women of the Reserve Women's Forum sent a letter to Finance Minister Bezalel Smotrich and Defense Minister Yoav Galant on precisely this issue, asking for recognition and rights for the wives of reservists and their families. In their letter, the women complain that businesses of reservists injured in the war receive a response and support, while the businesses of their spouses do not.
They are asking for economic compensation on several levels: a home economics grant, like the one given in October, additional risk to reserve soldiers, increased child allowances for reserve families, subsidies for after-school and summer camps, receiving significant benefits in municipal taxes, electricity and water payments throughout the duration of the reserves, and an income tax benefit for the spouses of reservists.
They also demand rights and are protected in the workplace. In other words: additional vacation days, additional sick days for a child, provision of "reserve time" on behalf of the employer, provision of incentives to employers to allow hybrid work, extension of maternity leave (unpaid leave) at state expense for wives of reservists on unpaid leave, extension of unemployment days due to the difficulty of finding a new job for someone whose spouse serves in the reserves, rights for wives of reservists who are self-employed, and more. In addition, women reservists demand the same leniency given to their spouses in academic institutions, subsidizing emotional support and establishing a support system for the families of reservists.
High adrenaline and difficulty sleeping
But it is not only in terms of employment that there are challenges. Also, and perhaps mainly, in the psychological aspects of the returnee from the battlefield and of his family. "This is a very sharp transition between a violent environment and routine," explains Dr. Dori Rubinstein, a clinical psychologist and trauma expert at Meshavot, an NGO that deals with trauma and building resilience.
"There is also a gap between the excitement and joy of the return and the confusion of the returnee and his family. There is a great expectation to return to the circle of life, and on the other hand, the difference between war and home is so great and extreme that a system is needed that will allow the right pace that suits everyone. It must be said that most of the returnees will adapt in a relatively short time, despite the difficulties."
Dr. Rubinstein lists some difficulties that may arise. The high adrenaline, alertness and battle scenes can cause difficulty sleeping. The desire of extended family and friends to be with the returnee, even when it is burdensome, the question of whether to be in touch with his fellow soldiers, penetrating memories and tinnitus in the ear that can interfere with communication - all these make it difficult for the soldier and his family.
Rubinstein also draws attention to possible difficulties in relationships and intimacy. "If there were challenges before the war, and now there was a pause in intimacy, they will not disappear – they will return, and sometimes on a more significant scale. On the other hand, there is excitement that usually leads to a very large rapprochement, which sometimes stems from fear and longing. Sometimes it's euphoria just at the beginning, which dissipates later. We need to ask ourselves if there is an expectation to return to sexual relationships immediately. It can be done through conversation."
So what do we do?
"There are all sorts of things you can do, but let's start with what you can't: At first, certainly in the first few weeks, don't worry about diagnosing symptoms and rushing to treatment. Many of the symptoms are a natural reaction, and they will go away over time. Diagnosis and treatment should be sought only if difficulties persist or increase.
"Second thing - don't have mercy. Mercy weakens. Whoever comes home is not disabled. On the other hand, you have to be considerate and let your pace be restored. True, you've been with the kids and the house for three months, but don't tell him, 'OK, take the keys, now it's your turn' and leave. This creates frustration. Everything has to be done with open communication."
So what is?
"Prepare the house for the reception and think about who should be there and who shouldn't. Many times you create big plans that don't always fit. Involve the children, prepare food that the returnee likes, organize quieter time for rehearsal, at least for the first time. Hugging is important, as much as possible. It is advisable to encourage contact with friends, even those from the unit, and again - to be very patient and tolerant of the pace. Everyone has a different rhythm. Intimacy also needs to be listened to more than usual."
And what about sharing the experiences of war?
"Such sharing should be allowed. Not to rush and demand, but to be willing to listen and empathize with what happened. It's okay to shed a tear. When you listen, don't come from a judgmental position and don't stop the conversation, no matter what the event is, unless small children are present and the content can be difficult."
"Hear more similar voices"
Dr. Rubinstein suggests that despite the high adrenaline levels over the past three months, one should try to return to pre-war anchors. "If before the war I had exercised - to look for a way to get back to it, because it gave me strength. Go back to the anchors I had before. Many forget that and look for new excitement."
We also see a phenomenon of people who want to return to battle and find it difficult to have been released, while their comrades fight.
"That's right, it's complicated. On the one hand, I am excited to return home; On the other hand, I may feel unnecessary or guilty for not helping as much as I could, or simply want to take the gun and go back to battle. So first of all - validate this experience. Over time it can lessen, because I will readapt. Still, it can be significant.
"So what do we do? It is worthwhile to find places where I can share this experience and hear other voices similar to mine, for example with the members of the unit who were released with me and who understand the feelings."
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