Kaillie Humphries, the best bobsleigh athlete, felt insecure in Canada

(CNN)--

Whenever Kaillie Humphries wants to, the world's greatest

can look in the mirror and reminisce about her extraordinary career;

the artwork that adorns most of her body reminds her of the whole story.

"The tattoos are a great representation of who I am," the 36-year-old three-time Olympic champion told CNN Sport.

"I have my mother and my father, the portraits of her. I have Olympic medals, my hopes, goals and dreams. With each one I do, I feel more complete."

But it will take a truly skilled artist to fully capture the latest chapter of his life, an extraordinary drama both on and off the track;

an emotional roller coaster that saw her uproot herself from Canada, shifting her allegiance to the United States.

To do this, Kaillie Humphries had to face her own demons and "slay the dragon."

Three years ago Humphries turned his back on the Canadian team with which he had won two Olympic titles and 10 World Cup medals.

After 16 years on the national team, he says his work environment suddenly seemed dangerous.

"I feared for my physical safety," he told CNN, adding that every time he defended himself, he feared it would lead to getting "punched in the face."

advertising

"It was an environment I was afraid to be in," he added.

"And it culminated not only in depression, but in physical problems, rashes, hives. She had panic attacks."

Until 2018, Humphries says he enjoyed working with "amazing coaches" on the Canadian team.

But he says he never got to choose who his coaches were, and in 2018 everything changed just as he hoped to make history at the PyeongChang Winter Olympics.

Humphries thinks he has at least one more Olympics on his way.

Credit: Courtesy of Taylor Mohr, Taylor Mohr Photography.

"I went from being the Olympic champion, from trying to be the first athlete to defend three Olympics in a row, to not recognizing myself or wanting to leave the house and fearing for my safety."

Despite her considerable success, Humphries says the arrival of a new coach, Todd Hays, in the run-up to the 2018 Olympics, led to her being "targeted, harassed and harassed".

Humphries thought she had seen it all and was prepared to tackle anything she might encounter, but says she was paralyzed by the anxiety of being forced to work with someone who seemed aggressive and physically intimidating.

When he filed a complaint against his coach, the president of Canada's Bobsleigh & Skeleton (BCS) governing body and another staff member, his concerns were raised with an independent investigator and ultimately dismissed.

Humphries was told that there was insufficient evidence to substantiate his claims.

Humphries appealed, and according to The New York Times, an arbitrator ruled that the investigation was inadequate and a new investigation is still ongoing.

Through his attorney, Hays strongly denied Humphries' allegations.

She said that, contrary to Humphries' claims, she "specifically requested" that he be one of her trainers.

Hays' attorney also rejected any suggestion of misconduct: "At no time has Mr. Hays singled out, harassed, or intimidated Mrs. Humphries, or acted aggressively or physically intimidating towards her."

The statement concludes by saying that Hays will not comment further, respecting the confidentiality of the ongoing judicial process.

"I was brave enough to come forward and say I felt insecure," Humphries said.

"And like [with] most athletes in that environment, they're usually not believed, they're not trusted and they're pushed to the side."

A photo of Humphries working out courtesy of iFIT Health & Fitness and Colleen Logan, Vice President of Public Relations and Corporate Communications.

In 2019, Humphries left the team and decided to compete for Team USA, knowing it could spell the end of his Olympic dreams.

On March 7, it was revealed that Humphries was not the only athlete with concerns about the working conditions of athletes on the Canadian

and

team.

More than 60 of them, who have been competing since 2014, signed an open letter calling for the resignation of senior BCS officials.

They cited a "toxic" environment in what is a high-speed, dangerous sport.

The third sentence cut straight to the point: "Too many athletes have suffered physically, mentally, emotionally and financially due to the organization's inability to address these issues, jeopardizing the future of both sports."

• These were some of the ups and downs of the 2022 Winter Olympics

Humphries responded to the news on Twitter, writing: "I know what these athletes are going through. This is the exact same direction I dealt with and had to leave to get away from it. I'm proud they speak up and tell their truths." change is necessary."

CNN spoke with several

athletes , who described their own experience on the Canadian team.

They spoke of a culture of neglect and fear of retaliation for anyone who dared to raise a concern.

Retired bobsledder Neville Wright said, "If we continue in this direction, we're going to end up in a situation with career- or life-threatening injuries and maybe, in the worst case, suicide."

athlete

Elisabeth Maier says she has been fighting the federation for four years over allegations of harassment and discrimination.

In response, the BCS accused her of making "false and grossly defamatory" statements about the organization and sent her a cease and desist letter.

"When I filed my original complaint," she recalls, "I went to bed that night hoping I wouldn't wake up. When someone messes with your mental health so hard and for so long, you believe the worst about yourself." .

Humphries and Kaysha Love of Team USA celebrate during the fourth heat of the women's

on day 15 of the Beijing 2022 Winter Olympics on February 19, 2022.

His voice cracking with emotion, he continued, "There have been three times where I've really thought about hurting myself or had scary thoughts come up, and they're all BCS-related."

Madison Charney, another

athlete , was also moved as she recalled her experience on the team.

"We live in a constant state of fear of speaking out against the show, fear of getting kicked off the show," Charney said, adding that competing for Canada was like being in an abusive relationship.

"One side always assumes they're wrong, and they're always told it's crap. They're wrong, they'll never be heard, no one will believe them. Now I hear other athletes say that being cut from the show was 'the best thing that ever happened to me. past'".

Humphries appears in an Instagram post dated March 6, 2022, attending a concert, at Petco Park in San Diego.

In response to the open letter, the BCS released a statement and said that efforts were already underway to address the issues raised.

"We take the concerns of our athletes very seriously," the statement said.

"As we do at the end of each Olympic quadrennium, we plan to meet directly with our athlete community as soon as possible to review and address their concerns."

However, the athletes quickly dismissed the BCS response and released another open letter, revealing that their campaign is also gathering steam.

This time signed by 82 athletes, they wrote: "Time and time again, the BCS has controlled the narrative around our complaints and failed to address the underlying systemic causes of these issues, resulting in further preservation of the

."

The athletes have reiterated their demands for a "truly independent" investigation and the immediate resignation of top BCS officials.

"The BCS Board acknowledges receipt of two anonymous letters from current and former BCS athletes," the BCS Board of Directors said in a statement sent to CNN on March 16.

"We are committed to identifying and resolving issues raised by athletes through a forum that encourages open dialogue and transparency, including the participation of athletes and BCS staff, as well as other stakeholders who can provide input. valuable perspective.

"We believe that a constructive dialogue and a clear plan of action will bring about positive change. An independent mediation process has been initiated. Athletes will be invited to participate in all aspects, including setting up the mediation process and sharing your opinions".

"The BCS Board looks forward to engaging athletes in this opportunity. As an independent supporter of the sport, Own the Podium supports this initiative as an avenue to encourage discussion and find solutions. We look forward to engaging in meaningful dialogue in an environment that promotes openness and equity for all".

Humphries trains for the Winter Champion Series on March 1, 2022. Courtesy of Colleen Logan, iFIT Health & Fitness.

sobering experience

Humphries, the most successful woman in the world of

, went from being at the top of the world to hitting the bottom.

"It was a sobering experience," he told CNN.

"I had to abandon a long career in which I had everything built, to return to the zero point. Nothing. No sponsors, no support, no funding."

She found a home with Team USA, her husband is a US citizen, winning another three world championship titles;

but her Olympian status was in limbo.

The International Olympic Committee (IOC) does not allow an athlete to compete under the flag of a country unless they have full citizenship.

The athlete criticizes this very rigid regulation, which, according to her, forced her to choose between a safe work environment or, potentially, another opportunity to participate in the Olympic Games.

"Why do I have to choose a human right before I can do my job? The IOC was not willing to compromise on that."

As an athlete, who had spent his life racing against the clock, Humphries now found himself in a race against time for his citizenship.

"I'd rather do an Olympic performance than have to wait for a letter from immigration, or answer questions, or file paperwork. It was very nerve-wracking, and I'd be lying if I said that if it hadn't been for my husband, I would have had a couple of meltdowns."

"I don't regret for a second the decision I made to leave Team Canada. And I remind myself of that every day. I'm in a much better place mentally and physically, and if I don't compete in the Olympics, I won't."

medal ceremony on

day ten of the 2022 Beijing Winter Olympics.

But in early December, with two months to go before the Beijing Games, Humphries became a US citizen.

In February, she became Olympic champion again, winning the inaugural

.

"I was much more excited than I thought," she recalls.

"There was no guarantee that she would have a chance to compete."

"My citizenship came at the last minute. I had to have a lot of faith in myself, in my family, in the show, in my sponsors, in my support. The community really supported me, so I definitely felt all that love."

With the nightmare of his stint with Team Canada now completely behind him, Humphries looks to the future.

He thinks he has at least one Olympics left, the 2026 ones in Milan and Cortina d'Ampezzo, Italy, when he's 40.

If the 2030 Games are held in Salt Lake City, they might just talk her into competing one more time and end her career in her country.

But in the meantime, there are more immediate matters: finding the right tattoo to commemorate the latest chapter of her life in her personal art gallery.

He says there will be an American theme, naturally, but also a representation of the beast he killed.

"Beijing's

track was called Flying Snow Dragon and I felt like I had conquered the dragon while I was there. So I'll probably get a dragon tattoo."

It is an image that could also be a metaphor for everything he has experienced in recent years.

This photo of Humphries, taken by photographer Troy Conrad, appeared in Inked magazine and on his Instagram account.

Will it hurt to get the tattoo?

"Yeah, they're not nice," he replies, "It's kind of like being an athlete. There's a lot of pain for a lot of glory at the end. You can't have the great things in life without going through some tough times, and the tattoos are no exception.

Athlete