Status: 03.11.2023, 06:00 a.m.
By: Uta Künkler
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The bottle determined Raphael K.'s life for years. He almost drank himself to death at the age of 29. It has been dry for ten years now. He made the jump with the help of Alcoholics Anonymous. Symbo Almost drunk to death at the age of 29 One beer becomes twelve The disease remains for © life Alexander Heinl/dpa
Between withdrawal and relapse: A 39-year-old from the district of Erding talks about his life with addiction. He is the spokesman for Alcoholics Anonymous Erding, the group is celebrating its 40th anniversary this year.
"It's a miracle that you're still with us," said the doctor when Raphael K. (name changed) regained consciousness at the Erding Clinic. Actually, he had drunk himself to death at the age of 29. His father and friends had found him in his bedroom with respiratory arrest as a result of severe alcohol poisoning. "I was at the bottom," says Raphael K. Today, he has been sober for almost ten years, spokesman for Alcoholics Anonymous Erding and wants to encourage other addicts. "No one is a hopeless case," he says.
The story of Raphael K. from the district of Erding is not typical for an alcoholic. He lands unusually late at the bottle. Most addicts start drinking at an early age. The average age in Germany is 16.3 years. But Raphael K. doesn't like drinking in his youth, stays with the Spezi, while his friends at the rural youth like to get one beer too many. "I was a real anti-alcoholic," he says.
The young man is appreciated by his friends, but he is a reserved guy. While the others start talking to girls, he stays in the background. His shyness bothers him. When he was 21 years old, he tried to drink his courage at a party. It succeeds. "That flipped a switch for me, suddenly I was self-confident – the person I always wanted to be."
Then it goes quickly. At first, he drinks when he's out with friends on weekends. But soon that won't be enough. He also feels better during the week when he's been drinking and begins to reach for the bottle on his own. He finds plenty of occasions. "When things were going well or when I had problems."
More and more often, he drinks secretly. His parents, with whom he still lives, are worried. Raphael K. hides six-packs in the woods, says at home that he goes jogging – and empties the bottles in one go. When he's in an Irish pub with friends, he sits in front of a single beer all evening. In between, however, he hides outside and says he wants to make a phone call. In reality, however, he rushes to the supermarket, buys three beers and pours them into himself behind a bush. "I've really proven that I can drink," says Raphael K. today. "But I can't just drink a beer."
He lies to his friends, his family, to himself. The secrecy isolates him. It's all about daily consumption. The after-work beer has long since ceased to be enough. In the meantime, he needs the first sips in the morning to suppress the tremors – the first physical reactions to alcohol abuse.
The spiral is set in motion. At the age of 25, he lost his job. Buddies turn away from him, he hasn't had a girlfriend for a long time. His sister can't take it anymore and withdraws.
Raphael K. realizes that things can't go on like this. He picks himself up, finds a new job, plays sports – and only drinks non-alcoholic beer. But after three months, he tries a "real" one again at the Sinnflut Festival. That evening there will be twelve beers.
Again, he loses his job. After being caught drunk several times, he ends up in a psychiatric hospital in Taufkirchen. The first withdrawal. This is followed by a series of inpatient long-term therapies – and relapses. He receives Hartz 4, lives with his parents, drinks himself into delirium twice with beer and vodka. "Again and again I was motivated and again and again the pressure of addiction was too great," says Raphael K. His self-esteem is dwindling. The bottle remains.
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He goes to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). He comes to the first meetings drunk. He is still allowed to stay. No one condemns him, no one comments on his story. He feels accepted and understood. Valuable in spite of everything. The others come from where he is now. Not the doctors, not the psychologists, but the people of the AA group "are the real experts who speak from their own experience," says Raphael K. "The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking," he quotes from the AA preamble.
Then comes June 10, 2014. In the forest, he exerts half a crate of beer in less than an hour. Afterwards, he finds two bottles of wine in his parents' cellar and pours them down. His body can no longer do that. The absolute low point. He doesn't remember how long he lies lifeless on the ground before his father and friends find him, try to revive him and call for rescue. But the next morning in the clinic, he remembers it very clearly, "I was only grateful, I decided for life and prayed."
At the next meeting of the AA, he is ready for the so-called capitulation, the first step in the twelve-point program: "We admitted that we are powerless against alcohol and could no longer master our lives." "Are" in the presence, because the powerlessness in the face of alcohol remains. "The disease is there for life," he says. "You should never underestimate that."
Since then, Raphael K. has not drunk a drop. He has a steady job and sincere friendships. A good life. He regularly attends AA meetings, trying to help others. He is involved in educational work and tells his story in schools and clinics. And he is the spokesman for the Erdinger AA Group and attends nationwide meetings in Frankfurt. "I can now speak in front of large groups," he says proudly. He is still shy towards women. But "today I'm coping with feelings that would have knocked me down in the past." For him, being sober means freedom.
Celebration of the 40th anniversary
On Saturday, November 18, from 15 to 18 p.m., the Erdinger Groups of Alcoholics Anonymous and Al Anon for family members of alcohol addicts will celebrate their 40th anniversary in the Protestant community center at Dr.-Henkel-Str. 10. Interested parties are welcome.
In the same rooms, the Erdinger AA group meets every Wednesday at 19.30 pm. If you are interested, you can come by without registration, listen to others or tell your own story. Drought is explicitly not a requirement. For more information, please send an e-mail to aa-ig09-rg10-m2403@web.de.