The deportation process is complex, and when children have a crisis twice as bad • Alongside a two-home vision arrangement, there is the nesting option in which the children live in one home, and the parents live in it intermittently.

• Ninging arrangement. Not suitable for anyone

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When a couple decides to spend all summers and it's time to say goodbye, it's usually accompanied by a personal crisis. When the children are in the story it is doubly difficult, and it is necessary to go through this procedure with as little harm as possible to them.

Accordingly, different families find the most appropriate arrangements, with most properties being divided between the parties, and the family learns to recognize a new reality in which the residences exist in two homes. But there is another arrangement, which is more common in the world and less common in Israel, called "Nasting." This is a situation where the children stay in the same home, and the parents sleep on and off on regular days.

If you are unfamiliar with the concept of "nesting," Dana Weissbrot, a spousal and family therapist, explains: "This is an arrangement that requires financial resources. Instead of children moving from father to mother, parents are the ones who move. Seemingly it sounds nice, but in practice it is not a simple step.

"On the emotional level, this can solve a lot of problems for children, such as having to adjust to other things. However, there is a complexity here that forces the couple who have already separated to form a single parent and communication, leaving some of the complexity that was in the marriage. Another difficulty is related to privacy. You sleep in the same bed as your ex-spouse sleeps, and there is something on the intimate and energetic level that can negatively affect you. "

Dorit Rossin-Zichner, a spousal and family therapist, adds: "There are two situations in which the best interests of the children are not reflected in the Nesting agreement. The first is for couples who have difficulty separating, and the second is for couples who advise lawyers not to leave home to avoid losing property. In addition, for the children, it can be confusing that one day mom is there and gives some rules, and another day dad is and gives completely different rules in the same house. If you think about the best interests of the children, it is better to move in two close apartments and make the move once. "

Nasting also has a legal aspect to consider. Advocate Roy Sidi, a family law expert, explains: "The Nesting arrangement has heavy economic implications, for the reason that parents need to own three apartments, and who decides who bears the burden and how. If parents have come to the conclusion that they are really interested in this arrangement, understand how to do it legally. First, it is clear that this arrangement must be enshrined in the agreement, which must not be enshrined in the overall divorce agreement, but may be enshrined in a separate agreement, but this has implications for both the issue of food and the issue of balance of resources and the dismantling of the sharing. Therefore, it should be as part of the overall agreement. As with any custody matter, it is important that the attorney handling the agreement anchor it in advance and clarify what happens when either party wishes to exit the agreement, and what the vision and alimony will be. "

The good of the children first of all

Singing from a living zoo in such an arrangement for a year and a half. "As soon as the mediator offered us the idea, it was clear to us that it was the most ideal for our case. None of us wanted to leave the house, and only such a solution could get us out of the impasse. We have six children aged 3 to 17, And the result test shows that the advantages of the method are clearly expressed.

"The daily reality of the children has not changed at all. They are in their natural place. They do not have to wander around houses and do not remember to take things. They sleep every night in their bed, and I believe it has managed to get the divorce so much easier."

Is it possible to have a relationship like this?

"He has had a relationship for six months, and I think it's good for him because he doesn't have to bear the burden of the children alone. I vetoed his partner's coming into the house, because it's a territory I'm part of and I can't bear the news that she'll come into my house. Did not come up with the discourse at all, I have not yet opened the world to dating. "

Shira says of the difficulties behind the family idyll: "Every day I carry a suitcase in the car, a hanger with clothes and a bag of shoes. It's not easy at all, it's a price I pay for the stability of the children, and it exists. It's a wanderlust experience, a feeling of exhaustion, that you are not Belongs to nowhere. The apartment is not really your home, leaving home on Fridays and Saturdays is like disconnecting from an oxygen machine, and that's my breaking point for the week when I'm not with them. It's like going out and finding out, there are heavy prices here. "

temporary solution

After a thorough examination of various groups of divorced people in the network, we found that the nesting arrangement exists more in Israel in intermediate situations, between the separation period and the divorce. Whoever chose to go through the breakup and then moved into joint custody is Nir Halfon of Intelligence.

"The model was right for us for three months when everything was still up in the air and we still haven't separated apartments," he says. "We wanted to create a kind of tenure for the girls, they were 3½ and 6 Late from work, and we weren't always together at home. "

Halfon adds, "In the end, it helps the child digest the process of divorce in the first stages. It is not immediately thrown into two houses. We explained to them that Mother would sleep with Grandma some days when Dad is firm, and vice versa."

"It is important to note to our parents that it was uncomfortable, and I do not think this is true over time, because eventually everyone wants to move forward in their life and be in a new relationship. It's uncomfortable. It's true for the children until one of the parties finds an apartment and arranges it. Then they take the extra step toward two houses. "