Putting the toddler in the frame for the first time?

Here are some things to think about

The transition to parenthood is a stormy and turbulent transition, our priorities change as well as the agenda, you can say that everything begins and ends with the new baby and the special relationship that is forged

Dana said, in collaboration with JAMA

09/28/2022

Wednesday, September 28, 2022, 07:22 Updated: 14:00

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We are learning to live together, to get to know each other, to synchronize and most of all we are head over heels in love with our new baby, and cannot live without him.

Beside all of these, the routine is already knocking on the door, the months pass by, the "maternity leave" or the "holiday leave" will soon end and your toddler is about to enter the setting for the first time, maybe a nursery school or a nursery school, maybe a nanny, it doesn't really matter, because beyond the door awaits a farewell .

So let's talk for a moment about goodbyes, life is full of them, our children will have to learn to say goodbye at the entrance to kindergarten but not only.

They will say goodbye to a broken toy, a friend, a doll in the showroom, they learn to say goodbye before going to sleep, to poop in the toilet, to grandma with a kiss and to the last bite of the cake.

We adults also experience separations of this and that, short and long, temporary and final, so despite the difficulties it is important to remember that entering the framework, which is well organized, is also important for development.

The child will understand that despite the difficulty he is able to cope and this is important for his sense of independence and security.

Eventually, through the separations, they will gain confidence in themselves and the environment.

But perhaps the most important thing in this kind of separation is the understanding that the separation is one side of the coin, while on the other side there is a connection, there is a connection, there is a reunion, and as I see it - that is where our emphasis should be, in other words, we should not teach the Our child to say goodbye, but to help him continue to build on our relationship even separately.

And now let's dive into the practical part, here are five things you can do in order to ease the approaching separation:

- It is clear that we must prepare our toddler for the upcoming change, but it is important to take into account his age, the young children live in the "here and now" and have an immaturity in the concepts of time, distance and reversals.

The intention is to try not to "dig" too early on the subject and to tell him about the separation from home as close as possible to the date of entry into the new framework.

The emphasis in the preparation should be information about the new nanny who will take care of him and take care of him throughout the day.

adaptation can take time, accept it as a fact and arrive with a lot of patience and that means trying to avoid sayings like: "Be a good boy..." "Show me you're big..." "You don't need to cry..." Remember there is room for all the spectrum of emotions and they are super natural.

Adjust the adaptation according to your child's abilities, and calculate when it would be appropriate to arrive and for how long.

There will be children for whom arriving first will make all the difference in the farewell, because the environment is still organized and tidy, the atmosphere is calm and there are not many children and bustle.

In contrast to them, there will be other children who will find it easier to enter an existing situation, when there is already an event and activity to which they join.

Pay attention to your toddler's character, what suits him, where and when he feels more comfortable.

Make sure to have a regular farewell ceremony, it can start already on the way with a reference to a special tree or a certain house that can be noted as a permanent "mark" on the way.

Allow the child to take with him an object with the scent of home, even a handkerchief from his mother's bag, and make sure to hug, kiss, wave from the window, anything that does not include "walking away without being noticed"

- The most important thing in a breakup is the meeting at the end of the day, make sure to be free, reconnect.

For your toddler it is an existential need to recharge batteries through individual and loving care.

Remember the children were gathered all day and they need to break up in their safe place, give them that and be prepared for the difficulties to "spill over" to the home as well.

And when you return home, be sure to slow down, give them time of peace and rest with you, this is more important than classes and playgrounds.

And in conclusion, be alert to red lights as well, it is true that all beginnings are difficult, but pay attention to the intensity and duration of the difficulties of acclimatization, they should pass after about a month and if they continue to check the fit of the frame.

Written by

Amer - certified behavior analyst, MA in special education, lecturer and expert in accompanying the family unit.

A mother accompanies her daughter to the first day of kindergarten (Photo: ShutterStock)

The Jama application was established with the aim of responding to mothers of babies between the ages of birth and three, and to gather for them content, activities, tips from experts and videos that will accompany them throughout this challenging period.

All the content in the application "grows" together with the baby and is precisely adapted to the stages of his development, so that the mothers receive only what is relevant to them and interests them at any given moment.

The Jama app is the place for mothers in Israel to meet and get to know other mothers around them, and to create new and exciting friendships in the fascinating journey.

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