Hell is other people, especially on WhatsApp.
This is more or less the feeling developed by Thomas d'Orazio, 51 years old.
Like more than 2 billion users worldwide, this American father is used to talking regularly with his wife and two daughters, aged 23 and 19, in the family group created on the green application.
Problem: the epistolary relationship that linked them so far has changed over time into a real “virtual pollution”.
One morning in January 2023, after yet another message notification, Thomas d'Orazio explodes and sends his family a digital resignation letter which will then go around social networks.
"I can't read all this, I can't stand having to always laugh or love or add little hearts to every thought,
photo or joke posted here, he wrote.
Yes, I will love, I will laugh, I will always sympathize with you.
But I can't live with this pressure anymore, I'm leaving.
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Shared by his daughters and seen more than 15 million times on Twitter, this virtual farewell gave internet users food for thought.
“The exhaustion linked to the networks is a reality, tweets a concerned.
Human beings were never designed to have so many contacts, so quickly, with so many people.”
“This father now knows true freedom and I envy him,” quipped another user.
The observation is made: requests on WhatsApp eat up a significant amount of time in our lives, steal our here and now.
When leaving the application, Thomas d'
Would Orazio have understood everything?
Should we fire “Marie Kondo from digital” and put away the digital time thieves in a corner?
Can we really live without this link that also unites us to those we miss or with whom we have forged a different bond in writing?
The answer is far from obvious.
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From a virtual comfort…
Created in 2009 by two former employees of Yahoo and owned by Facebook since 2014, the messaging application indeed occupies a primordial place in the daily life of the French.
72% of those over 18 have already used it, detailed an IFOP survey at the beginning of March (1).
It must be said that registering on WhatsApp is within everyone's reach, even the most
low-tech
: all you need is a phone number and a wifi connection.
“Whether you are a teenager or a grandmother, WhatsApp is an intuitive, transgenerational tool and facilitator of social ties, indicates Marie Després-Lonnet, professor of information and communication sciences at the University Lumière Lyon. 2. The sharing of photos, videos and especially voice notes are also very appreciable and appreciated by those who have poor command of writing.
Add to that a delayed communication, where the interlocutors decide when they participate in the exchanges, and the telephone call finds itself defeated by technical knockout.
Initially used to chat at a lower cost with this expatriate friend abroad, the application has now become essential for dialogue in groups, especially since the health crisis and its successive confinements.
"The fear of dying pushed us to get closer to life, and thanks to WhatsApp, we continued to nourish our so fundamental human need for socialization and belonging to a community", notes Catherine Lejealle, sociologist and researcher at the ISC Paris.
"There is something deeply comforting in knowing that at any time of the day someone can read us and answer us," adds Marie Després-Lonnet.
Read alsoOver-solicited by those around them, tired of continuous news: they opted for the "Jomo", or the joy of letting go of their social life
… to the hostage taking
They are called “Family”, “Secret Santa”, “Orga summer vacation”, “40 years (surprise) of Laetitia”… On average, the users each belong to 4.6 groups, reports the IFOP.
Among parents, the "nursery", "school", "CE2B class" groups have multiplied at breakneck speed, generating a traffic jam of evening messages and a 20% rate of dissatisfaction among those concerned, indicates the same survey. .
Comedian Gad Elmaleh had fun with it in his last show (
D'ailleurs
).
“The other night, I was quiet at home.
11:40 p.m., Mama Bérénice writes... “Poetry alert!”.
Kidnapping alert yes.
Attack alert.
Even Baywatch is tolerable.
But “Poetry alert”…, mocks the actor.
Before continuing to read the message: “Bérénice forgot her recitation book.
Who would be kind enough to send us a screenshot?”
I wanted to tell him: But go to bed, Mama Bérénice… They are in CE2!”
“With WhatsApp, we are summoned to immediacy – spied on by the acronym “seen”, the time of the last connection – as to the eternity of the link, because of the indestructible groups.
But by dint of creating groups for everything and anything, the quantity ends up killing the quality of the exchange, so that people feel asphyxiated with guilt, even anxiety, "comments Camille Tassel, professor of philosophy and psychoanalyst, specialized in virtual psychopathology.
And whatever we think of mom Bérénice, on WhatsApp, courtesy is always in order.
If 58% confirm to be disturbed by this virtual hubbub, they are more than half according to the FIFG to feel obliged to respond out of politeness to each comment or emoji shared.
Thus, each time you look at your phone, you generate a surge of dopamine,
With WhatsApp, we are summoned to immediacy - spied on by the acronym "seen", the time of the last connection - as to the eternity of the link, because of the indestructible groups
Camille Tassel, professor of philosophy and psychoanalyst
This is what Professor Marie Després-Lonnet found by studying the WhatsApp groups of neighbors, created in France during the confinements.
“What was initially a mutual aid conversation turned in some cases into a general release – against the trash can strike, noise pollution – and sometimes even the theater of racist remarks, she says.
As a result, many have found themselves hostage to a conversation they would have liked never to read and to which they especially do not want to be assimilated.
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Leaving to come back better
If digital addiction is not as widespread as one might imagine – it only affects between 1 and 5% of the population, according to epidemiological studies -, social media fatigue (or information fatigue) which The result is, she, very real, confirms Séverine Erhel, teacher-researcher in cognitive psychology at the University of Rennes 2. “Our brain has limited capacities in terms of encoding and storing information.
When he is overwhelmed, it leads to cognitive overload, causing difficulty concentrating and real emotional distress,” she explains.
However, and this is where the paradox lies, leaving WhatsApp, claiming your right to disconnect, remains difficult to assume in practice.
“We know how to enter the group but not necessarily how to leave without appearing “abnormal”.
Without returning a lack of interest in the collective, which can be experienced in a violent way, especially in the family environment where the group makes it a point of honor to be united at all costs, observes Marie Després-Lonnet.
We find ourselves forced “to be part of it”.
Leaving the group is a threat to the relationship in real life
Marie Després-Lonnet, professor of information and communication sciences at the University Lumière Lyon 2
Anxious not to hurt anyone, the American father Thomas D'Orazio finally chose to put WhatsApp on silent, an option also chosen by two thirds of the users questioned during the IFOP survey.
The more adventurous can opt since last October for the new functionality of the network, allowing to leave the group without notifying the other members (apart from the administrator).
But then they take another risk, that of falling into
Fomo
(from the English
Fear Of Missing Out
), which refers to the fear of missing an event or a message...
Without falling into these extremes, there are ways to limit the grip, reassure the specialists.
The doctor of psychology and psychoanalyst Yann Leroux, author of the blog Psy and Geek, advises learning to identify the conversations that deserve to be followed in our eyes.
“If we have nothing to say to each other in real life, we have no interest in continuing the dialogue on WhatsApp”, he slices.
Even as a family, nothing obliges us to love each other or to maintain the link virtually.
“Instead of avoiding oneself, by remaining by “voluntary servitude” on the application, it is better to try to understand what alienates us, suggests Camille Tassel, professor of philosophy and psychoanalyst.
From the right to disconnect to the duty to reconnect with oneself, there is only one click.
(1) Carried out in partnership with the mobile plan comparator Lemon, this IFOP survey was conducted with a sample of 1,008 people, by self-administered online questionnaire from February 14 to 15, 2023.
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