The sense of guilt linked to motherhood exists, it is possible, it is linked to many external conditionings and cultural legacies and often creeps into the experience of mothers already when they want or choose to be, or not to be. The guilt for not dedicating 100 percent of the time to the children, the guilt if you have activities outside the family, the guilt at work for not being instead to pick them up at school or to take them to play sports by delegating babysitters or relatives ...
Claudia Campisi, work psychologist and career coach with collaborates with TherapyChat, on the occasion of Mother's Day on May 14 gives her vision on the feelings of guilt related to motherhood, deepening in particular the factors that trigger them, the forms of discomfort with which these manifest themselves and some tips to try to get rid of them.
ANSA.it
Mother's Day, All Forms of Motherhood Today - Lifestyle
PODCASTS | A reflection on the complexity of being a mother today and on the many possible forms (by Alessandra Magliaro) (ANSA)
WHAT TRIGGERS GUILT?
Today the needs of self-realization of a woman are not limited exclusively to being a mother, but she is constantly looking for balance between career, personal growth, relationships and family. And in the search for this balance, mothers suffer social pressures that are indirectly exerted by models, often, ideal and "filtered" by the media and social networks, which show images far from everyday reality, difficult to pursue and, rather than being an inspiration, become unattainable aspirations. There are therefore many fears that women face when they decide to generate a life and it is important to recognize them: the fear that it is not the right time to have a child, the economic concerns due to professional precariousness, the belief that they do not have the skills and enough time ... In a nutshell: "not to make it". Even the decision to undertake this path late causes many anxieties, among the most common those of incurring infertility problems or greater risks during pregnancy.
HOW DO THEY MANIFEST THEMSELVES?
Among the forms of discomfort related to feelings of guilt there are feelings of inadequacy and the fear of not being able to effectively manage the roles played by mothers within different contexts of life. And here arise severe judgments resulting from self-evaluation that are amplified in the most fragile people to the point of recalling a sense of defeat and failure, personal and generalized: shame. Many requests for help and online therapy, in fact, arise from the need to start a personal work on oneself to counteract the feelings of insecurity that lead the person over time to believe that he is never up to it. A perception strongly anchored to the fear of being constantly under an imaginary lens of evaluation.
HOW TO TRY TO DEFUSE THEM?
Recognizing the spies and trying to obscure this great lens to avoid feeling the weight of the judgment of others. From the TherapyChat team comes 5 tips to benefit the mental health and emotional well-being of mothers to help themget rid of the "blame trap":
· Seek social support from friends and family: it is not necessary for mothers to cope with everything alone. Others should show themselves ready to listen and act as nourishment of the experience of motherhood.
· Talk about your feelings: Not being afraid to talk about the earthquake inside can make a big difference. Also, seek help from a psychologist when you need to change the way you deal with situations and acquire psychological resources to manage them.
· Take the time: Mothers may feel overwhelmed by the demands of parenting and forget to take care of themselves. Carving out small spaces for physical exercise or meditation is essential.
· Look for support groups: having an equal comparison with those who are going through similar experiences, sharing parts of your adventure and advice helps to deal with isolation and loneliness.
· Be kind and understanding with yourself and create realistic expectations: being a mother is a difficult job, no one is perfect and every family is unique. It's important to recognize that making mistakes and having limitations is part of the learning process and that what works for one household may not work for another.