Last modified: 06-02-2017, 10:56 AM
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Lovers often don't know what the godfather expects on Valentine's Day. This is especially true for new couples. Photo: Patrick Pleul Patrick Pleul ©
Valentine's Day is just around the corner. Long-term couples usually know how to behave. Newlyweds have a harder time.
Hamburg (dpa/tmn) - A fresh love is only as stable as a house of cards - or at least it feels like it. However, if the relationship begins shortly before Valentine's Day, this is difficult to avoid.
Often, no one knows exactly what the other person's expectations are of the pseudo-holiday. "Unfortunately, Valentine's Day is often completely over-romanticized," says Erig Hegmann, a couples consultant from Hamburg. "Many have the feeling that they are being forced to show their love. And coercion, stress and pressure don't go well with love."
Those who have been together for a while are better able to deal with this tricky situation, says Hegmann: "You look into each other's eyes and just talk about it." This is often more difficult for newly in love - especially if one of them thinks Valentine's Day is basically stupid and says so clearly. Hegmann doesn't think this radical defensive attitude is a good idea, especially at the beginning of a relationship. Instead, he advocates taking the day easy. "It's an opportunity to establish common rituals," he says. "And rituals are good for every relationship."
It doesn't have to be the classic bouquet of flowers. "It's rarely well received anyway," says Hegmann. "Just like the chocolate from the gas station." An expensive candlelight dinner is also not a must. The ritual must suit the couple, not the other way around. "You can also stay at home, order pizza and watch TV, or just spend the evening in bed," says Hegmann.
If, on the other hand, both partners don't feel like Valentine's Day at all, they can of course ignore it altogether. The only important thing is to stick to this agreement, according to Hegmann. First saying "We don't give each other anything" and then giving "just a little something" rarely has the desired effect: "Then a person feels cheated, which is never good."