In order to create change in our children, we must find a way to create a new relationship with what our children inspire in us/ShutterStock
Every child brings to us struggles that actually already exist within us.
He reflects our conflicts to us and unconsciously triggers triggers within us, with the goal that we observe and go through a common journey of development.
In order to create change in our children, we must find a way to create a new relationship with what our children inspire in us.
Often, the child we have the hardest time with confronts us with parts of ourselves that we have not yet resolved.
In fact, we have the opportunity to join not only our child, but also the child within us, the one who asks us for expression, through our child.
As long as we don't stop, listen and really look inside ourselves and learn to take responsibility and understand that our child is only coming to signal us about inner work that we have postponed - we will notice that our child will not let us go and will continue to annoy us on the same points, until we understand.
Here we have the opportunity to examine the triggers and conflicts that exist in us, through questions that force us to stop, observe, ask, listen and confront what is floating inside us.
For example: when my child has a tantrum / insists / dependent / whines....
· What does it do to you?
· What does it evoke in you?
· What does it make you think about yourself?
· What do you think about people who are like that (dependent, for example)?
· What do you think about people whose children behave like this (whining, for example)?
· As a child, did you have the opportunity to behave in this way (to insist, for example)?
Every conflict is the opportunity to connect with the inner children within us, and from there to our children/ShutterStock
From those beliefs and perceptions that will surface - you will be able to get a different and new perspective that will heal your "open wound" with yourself.
The dynamic between you and your children and the conflicting parts within you will go through a healing process.
I recommend seeing every conflict with your child as an opportunity to learn to give space and voice to your inner child.
An opportunity to look inward and examine your relationship with the challenge your child brings to your door.
Every conflict is the opportunity to connect with the inner children within us, and from there to our children.
As soon as you are at peace with yourself and come to an inner compromise with the conflicting places within you - you will be able to see the reflection in your child as well.
When this place calms down for you, it will also calm down for your child, because he will have no reason to continue to challenge you where you are no longer challenged.
For example, if you experience a conflict with your child in the context of stubbornness, look inside and check with yourself - is stubbornness also present in you?
Or maybe she doesn't, so you actually need to learn from your child to stand up for yourself a little too?
Let's say you are also very stubborn, you can practice more flexibility.
That is, work with yourself and learn to be flexible in what you used to insist on - and you can see how gradually your child will develop a behavior pattern of flexibility from imitating and learning from you, with the understanding that there are other ways and that it is not always worthwhile to insist and maybe even gain can be made when allowing other ways to exist, besides my way.
The child will reach this out of the new energy created in you in the face of the stubbornness trait.
This is the meaning in my eyes of the phrase: "Your child is your mirror", the understanding that there is a whole world of unspoken needs, values and feelings, which are expressed in every difficulty, conflict or challenge you carry within you and your child only reflects them to you so that you can go through this observation process In front of yourselves and in front of him.
In conclusion: as long as you set a goal for yourself to see every conflict as an opportunity for observation, inner work and learning, then whatever answer you give yourself - its result will also be reflected in your child.
Over time, you will adapt to yourself an almost automatic mechanism, which will help you connect with your child by connecting with the child in you, by listening and being aware of both yourself and your child.
More in Walla!
The breakthroughs, the treatments and what does the future hold?
Everything you need to know about diabetes
In collaboration with Sanofi
The Jama application was established with the aim of providing a response to mothers of babies between the ages of birth and three, and to gather for them content, activities, tips from experts and videos that will accompany them throughout this challenging period.
All the content in the application "grows" together with the baby and is precisely adapted to the stages of his development, so that the mothers receive only what is relevant to them and interests them at any given moment.
The Jama app is the place for mothers in Israel to meet and get to know other mothers around them, and to create new and exciting friendships in the fascinating journey.
Search us on Google: https://app.jama.co.il/
Nega halo condition, in collaboration with JAMA
More on the same topic:
Children
parents