Professional meetings, dinner with friends, child logistics... As a couple, it's easy and quick to lose sight of each other, torn by everyday obligations.
To counter the downward spiral and protect the romantic relationship, it may be enough to take a few hours each week and devote them to your partner.
This is what Mandy Doria, assistant professor of psychiatry at the Medical University of Colorado (United States), says.
In an article written by her and published on the establishment's website on February 13, the specialist recalls the importance of moments spent together to strengthen the bond.
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Taking care of your connection to others is particularly necessary to better understand conflicts and resolve them more easily, she indicates, based on the work of couples therapist John Gottman.
Thus, Mandy Doria advises intentionally devoting 6 hours per week to your partner.
This time dedicated to the couple “would help us communicate and get closer, even when everyday life is busy”.
2 minutes every morning
The timer starts at the start of the day.
On days when we work, the specialist invites us to take 2 minutes in the morning to say goodbye and ask the other person about their day.
“We can ask him what he’s looking forward to or what he’s dreading,” she says.
We will then know how to get news in the evening.”
20 minutes every evening
Back in the evening, let's take the time to share with each other what made us happy or rather upset today, encourages the professor of psychiatry.
“It’s about closing the cycle of stress together, reconnecting with something familiar, complaining if it’s useful and helping each other decompress,” she summarizes.
John Gottman also suggests coming together through a ritual of physical connection, such as a 6-second kiss.
This reunion can thus become a moment to look forward to throughout the day.”
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Compliments and affection
“Think about what you like about your partner, the character traits you admire in them or something they did that you appreciated,” the professor tells readers.
Then tell him!
It will only take 5 minutes a day.
Getting into this habit helps us notice the qualities of others more naturally, and allows the other person to feel valued.
The specialist then encourages us to end the day on a positive note by showing our affection to each other before going to bed.
Give a hug, give a kiss or a gentle look, say "I love you"... These simple gestures barely take 5 minutes a day, but have a calming effect.
“A moment of affection at bedtime can help relieve the little annoyances that accumulate during the day,” assures Mandy Doria.
2 appointment times
A few consecutive hours, just the two of you, what could be more precious?
During these two hours, we eliminate all distractions - understand the screens - in order to concentrate solely on the couple, recommends the professor.
This is the time to ask open questions, to share quality time with our other half, and thus “nourish the relationship”.
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If time, money or childcare seem to make it impossible to organize this time, it is always possible to plan a walk or an evening at home, to prepare a dinner together or play a board game , For example.
Time to take stock
Once a week, we take stock.
“Start by saying 5 things you appreciate about your partner,” says Mandy Doria.
Then, take the time to share (and listen back to) the difficulties each of you are experiencing within the relationship.”
Here, the objective is not to resolve possible points of contention all at once.
We create a space to share our fears with others, and to understand their current concerns.
“The simple fact of feeling listened to can sometimes even resolve certain conflicts naturally,” promises the specialist.
If perfectly measuring the time dedicated to the couple seems unrealistic in the daily flow, the main thing remains to take care of our connection.
Communication, little touches, affection, sharing... If one of these elements is missing from the equation of the relationship, it may be good to discuss together what it is possible to do to strengthen it, concludes the professor .