The concept has become familiar and has now found its place in everyday language. When we talk about "mental load", its definition is no longer in doubt. We know that it is the psychological burden of managing the home, in addition to that of work, which mainly affects women. A concept otherwise called, "the exhausted women syndrome". For the first time, a clinical psychologist, Aline Nativel Id Hammou, has extended the scope of people suffering from this phenomenon to children.
On the strength of her feedback from consultations, she draws up an unequivocal statement in a book that has just appeared (Editor's note: "The mental load of children. When our demands exhaust them"), by Aline Nativel Id Hammou with Alix Lefief- Delcourt, Ed. Larousse, 220 p., 14.95 euros ). Our toddlers also experience some form of mental load and can be stressed daily. Minister's schedule, school pressure but also family pressure to be among the best… our requirements make them exhausted. However, this overload can have an impact on the child's development and manifest itself in general fatigue, but also restlessness, anxiety, sometimes depression, even suicidal thoughts.
"Parents are sometimes a bit lost"
"This projection phenomenon, this fear of the future has always been more or less present in families, but all this associated with a recent context of new parenting, of positive education, where parents are drowning in information to become perfect parents, brought out more anxieties and, therefore, even more injunctions for children. Guilt also because with all this new data, parents are sometimes a little lost, "says the psychologist. And to illustrate, by way of illustration, the multiplication of activity offers from an early age. Consequence: we occupy them, but is the time spent with his offspring really qualitative?
The pivotal moment? “Entry to the CP where student status becomes priority number 1. The child will somehow try to comply with the performance and success requirements expected of him. We also note an increase in these requirements during the transition to college and high school, ”said the expert. These expectations also evolve depending on the child's place in the siblings and their gender. We will not necessarily ask the same thing of the eldest or the youngest, of a girl or a boy.
"If I listened to them, they would do nothing"
"The job of parent is the most difficult in the world," breathes Bruno, business manager, father of two children aged 14 and 18. We want to give them the best possible chance to be well prepared for a world that is not easy. "Tutoring, music lessons, language trips, sport ..." If I listened to them, they wouldn't do any of that. It rattles a bit but they will realize later that it was worth it, I imagine. "
"We also have the pressure as a parent," insists Lina, a nurse and the mother of a 10-year-old daughter. The objective is first of all to make her happy, of course, but I must admit that I am happy to be able to allow her to do things that I have never been able to do as a child. »Gymnastics and guitar on the program. “The gym was her who wanted it, the guitar rather me, concedes the mom. I admit that she is not super motivated for music. We'll see next year. "
If emotional, behavioral or sleep disturbances occur, watch out for overheating! “It is often children who will psychosomatize too. They send the message that they are not doing well with their bodies. Develop avoidance strategies as well, like forgetting your bag to avoid the tennis course, ”lists Aline Nativel Id Hammou. Her advice to help children build themselves without taking steps? “More lightness, it will do everyone a lot of good and let us be more attentive to needs and wants. "
