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Ballermann star Mickie Krause in Mallorca, May 16, 2022
Photo: Thomas Reiner / picture alliance
It may be a bit sobering for friends of the fine arts, but the oldest known songs of mankind are about drinking or fucking.
At best, both at the same time, albeit in a solemn manner.
Although even in the Bronze Age, religious celebrations without beer or wine would have been a rather tight affair.
Music archaeologists have not only been able to partially reconstruct the melody recorded in Mesopotamian tonal systems and on clay tablets, but also the cuneiform text of a Hurrian hymn to the goddess Nikkal.
It is as old as the bust of Nefertiti, around 3,400 years: "May wives give birth to their husbands and those who are still virgins may one day be blessed with children".
Lyrical laconicism and directness
The oldest completely preserved song is so old that even the Carthaginian general could have known and heeded its lyrics.
It is preserved on the stele of Seikilos and goes like this: »As long as you live, appear.
Do not grieve too much, there is only a short time left to live.
Time will bring the end of its own accord«.
Raise the cups!
Modern functional music for the masses differs from its antique models in that it is currently being seriously "debated" - and by its lyrical laconicism and directness: "Die beautiful Layla" appears as "more beautiful, younger, hornier", whereby the Blessing of children for the »luder« must remain excluded due to contraceptive reasons.
»Layla« is part of a long and venerable domestic tradition.
It's music for bowling brothers and (yes, yes) bowling sisters who, with sangria in their heads, just want to "let it all out" from time to time.
A prerequisite for this is a certain basic swagger.
That's why Falko Ochsenknecht doesn't say "You can put my penis in your mouth," but rather: "You can clean my pasta."
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Hits in the Mallorca segment: Does a party hit have to go below the belt, Herr de Léon? An interview by Marc Hujer
Mickie Krause also sings about a »Luder, she's more beautiful, blond, firmer, because she's a nurse«, who, according to the male imagination, exceeds her competences of her own accord: »I like to feel her hot hand , which drives me crazy.
Where she reaches, there no grass grows.
And it's a hell of a lot of fun."
Ikke Hipgold also writes texts that should be carved in cuneiform on clay tablets and also buried deep in Mesopotamia: »The deer is coughing loudly, what is coming out?
Micaela Schäfer, and she undresses!
When asked why it ate her«, the deer answered the actress: »Big tits, potato salad!«.
In »Anna-Lena«, by an artist named Honk, the feminist dictum of the »good girls« who go to heaven is taken up.
Anna-Lena ("Great ass, great look, great piece"), on the other hand, "does it the first time" and "likes to do it everywhere".
Anna-Lena is probably a sister in the spirit of Joana, according to Roland Kaiser "born to give love" - a hit whose subtext in the Ballermann version by Peter Wackel is replaced by heckling like "you horny pig", more precisely: "you filthy pig". or »du Luder« has been unobtrusively exposed.
The bitch in the steam engine
The Luder is a term from the hunter's Latin and describes the laid out carcass with which the huntsman lures the predator.
In its sexual meaning, the bitch is so important for the Ballermann that personified "sluts" like Mia Julia or Melanie Müller can easily end their careers as porn actresses as singing actresses.
A round thing.
Especially since the steam hit itself represents a musical equivalent to pornography from an aesthetic point of view.
With its rudimentary melodies, rhythmic pounding, deep basses and the escalation into the absurd, it is basically a candy-coated parody of music - and with its garish charms it serves to immediately satisfy needs ("Party!").
more on the subject
»Your cousin sucks one in the Q7«: The Rhyme Monster by Nora Gantenbrink
This is how misogynist sexism works for the beer tent, hilarious mendacity as a motor for exuberance.
The misogynistic sexism for elementary school, on the other hand, is just as dishonest in its loud-mouthed way, but its stubby German chant is in a significantly worse mood: »Your ma gets a penis in the ass until the liver fails.
I'll fuck that Futt to pieces, she'll be a total loss" (Farid Bang).
The »slut« here is the ubiquitous »whore« or her son, the »son of a bitch« – strange that one has never heard of a »hustler's daughter«.
Both genres don't give each other much and can therefore hardly be played off against each other, both should be covered by »artistic freedom« (Danger Dan).
A censorship does not take place.
Nevertheless, it is up to the respective host which music is played at his party - and which is not.
By the way, if you want to celebrate a real "party!", Hurrian hymns are ill-advised.
»Hurrian Hymn No.
6" in Michael Levy's interpretation has only been clicked 238,000 times in the past 3,400 years, while "Layla" by DJ Robin and Schürze has been clicked 35 million times in the last four months.
Looks like the market has decided something again.
