Why you should stop giving advice to loved ones

"Should I accept this job?", "He/she assures me that he will make an effort, I give him a second chance, in your opinion?"

We all seek the opinion of a loved one to see things more clearly or to finally obtain an answer that we cannot (or no longer) find alone.

Only our friends had better refrain from giving us any advice, according to Farbod Akhlaghi, philosopher and researcher at Christ's College Cambridge.

The latter assures us in an article published on December 31 on the site of the philosophy journal

, relayed by

on January 26.

According to the specialist, interfering in life decisions could deprive the friend of his autonomy and his search for identity.

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Violating the right to self-determination

The subject of philosopher Farbod Akhlaghi focuses on these choices that lead to "transformative" experiences, as he calls them.

More precisely, any experience that provides knowledge or understanding of oneself, which can only be obtained after having tried the experience;

or any experience that modifies the fundamental values ​​and desires of the one who lives it.

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The philosopher wonders: "Under what conditions is it permissible to intervene to try to prevent someone from having a transformative experience?".

How could someone be deprived of learning about themselves?

According to him, interfering in the decision-making of a loved one, giving his opinion, would amount to violating the “revealing autonomy” and “the right of self-determination” of the person.

And this, even if the advice is based on good intentions.

Decision-making must be done autonomously, he says: it is the only way to build an identity, to know our preferences and our values.

Interest, according to the philosopher?

Realize that the person we have become is the result of decisions made by ourselves.

Good or bad decision?

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Changing jobs, having a third child, opting for a particular course of study... Another reason should lead us to abstain from giving our opinion: it is impossible to know what the consequences of the choice made will be as long as the person has not had their experience.

The only exception to his rule?

A decision that would put the individual in danger.

Farbod Akhlaghi concludes: “It is then our moral duty to interfere to try to prevent it”.

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