Did you come to play or listen?
A man and a woman on a date (Photo: ShutterStock)
Dating can help us not only find our other half, but also discover many things we didn't know about ourselves, and maybe even become better people.
But (and it's a big but), it's important to understand that a date is not psychological therapy, especially when the other party has not been certified for it and receives no compensation for listening to your problems, except for a few drinks or a pampering meal at best.
If what we have written here seems casual or self-evident to you, you should look at these figures published in CNBC magazine.
The American magazine published a survey conducted among 5,000 single women between the ages of 18 and 98 (!) during last year, in which 63 percent of men testified that going on dates helps them "become a better version of themselves," while only 46 percent of women felt the same way.
The survey also shows that 44 percent of the men testified that dating really helped them improve various aspects of themselves in the past year, but here, too, only 35 percent of the women shared these feelings.
So it's true, it's admirable and even gratifying that many men see these stressful encounters as an opportunity to improve, but when you take a deeper look at the phenomenon, some experts believe that this is exactly why so many dates ultimately end in failure.
Men are lonelier in life itself, women are lonelier when they are around them
Pamela Larkin, a clinical psychologist who specializes in relationships, told CNBC in an interview that in her opinion, the need for men to talk about themselves and their problems can come at the expense of their desire to listen to the other side and get to know their potential partners.
"It's usually quite easy for men to take center stage in the conversation," she says.
"They may not struggle with thoughts like 'does my voice matter', or 'will I be heard', to the same extent that women think about these things."
One of the interesting explanations for men's need to talk more during a date could be related to work where they simply don't have many other settings where they can do so freely.
In another survey also conducted in the United States, it was revealed that only about 30 percent of men reported that in the last week they had a deep conversation with a close person to share their feelings and emotions.
On the other hand, for women, this figure was 48 percent.
A more comprehensive study on the phenomenon of loneliness published in 2021 in the journal Personality and Individual Differences also found that men tend to feel more lonely than women and feel that they have fewer close friends.
And if that's not enough, other data show that about 11 percent of men in the United States testified that they sought professional help to deal with mental challenges and, you guessed it, this figure among women is double and stands at about 22 percent.
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To the full article
If you only talk about your feelings on dates - that's a problem.
A man looks at the camera (Photo: ShutterStock)
In such a reality, it is certainly possible to understand why on a date, the whole purpose of which is to create a deep acquaintance between the parties, men see a rare opportunity to open up, open up and analyze, but while they are doing this, it may very well be that on the other side, the desire is for a completely different kind of conversation.
Prof. Manuela Barto, an expert in social psychology at the University of Exeter, said in this context that in her view, many men suffer from a lack of empathy and understanding from the environment - and this can create a feeling that no one understands them, as well as a natural desire to find a partner who can see them as they really are and help for them to improve.
"Women, naturally, tend to be more inclusive and attentive during social interactions. They may be more happy and smile during the date, which can be received by the other side as a much-needed confirmation," she said.
All these ingredients, the experts explain, create a recipe for a very specific date, where the process feels more like work and less like pleasure and a desire to go on a joint journey together.
So it's true, not all men and women act in the same way and the world has already progressed a lot since the days when men couldn't talk about feelings and women had to "accommodate, nod and support", but the data we presented here can show that in practice, the road to changing gender perception is still long, although Each and every one of us can also shorten it.
Everything begins and ends with our self-awareness.
If we feel and feel that we tend to talk more and listen less - we should ask ourselves why this happens, do we get enough opportunities to do this in other settings and how can we improve ourselves without turning romantic dates into tedious therapeutic sessions.
On the other hand, if we feel and feel that the other party on the date is too busy with himself and that we really have no place in the conversation, maybe it's better to just talk about it, pull the conversation in other directions on our own initiative or just politely ask for the bill.
health
psychology
Tags
dating
men
women
