I know, I started dramatically. So I'll take a step back.
Today is the first day of the complex and expensive race of parents of small children to "find an arrangement". I don't have that problem.
At 43 and a little bit, I'm a non-parent, by choice. If I had been asked at 27, I was sure I would be a mother someday. At the age of 32, I still believed that there was a chance that one day motherhood would appeal to me.
But when the biological clock started ticking loudly, I did a test with myself: after about a year of meetings with the psychologist, I came to the conclusion - children are not for me.
And it's not a matter of disliking the age group. I am an exemplary aunt (ask five nieces and nephews, they will confirm without gunpoint). Sometimes I even prefer to spend my time with toddlers, rather than with the adults who brought them into the world.
In short, the only thing missing is the specific impulse to be someone's mother.
Back to the drama: In the pro-natalist Israeli society, that is, the one that encourages childbirth, many tried to convince me that I was missing something.
But today it is already difficult for parents to tell that everything is perfect. We live in a generation in which it is customary to expose the difficulties, and when raising children, certainly small ones, the difficulties are great. Then the argument that begins with describing the bad is pulled out, and ends with what is supposed to be good: "It's hard, and challenging, and you don't sleep at night, and life isn't the same anymore, but you get used to it, and the love for it is worth everything."
Here I pull out what they told me about cigarettes, that I don't smoke, and I've never tried before: "At first it doesn't taste good, but if you persevere, get used to it, and then you'll get addicted." And voila, don't understand why you have to get used to it?!
I see my daughters and family, friends and girlfriends giving up parts of their lives. Sometimes happy with a decision, sometimes regretting it. And that's okay.
There is no reason to feel all the time that we made the right choice. To the credit of those closest to me (yes, Mom, even you) they stopped bothering me. My non-parenting is already a fact.
After I was shocked, I want to be clear: I understand that this is not the same thing. It's a comparison designed to make us think about the necessity of "pro verbo" a little differently.
You might say: But cigarettes have been proven to be unhealthy. Well, in a study (one of many) from the University of Minnesota from 2011, it was proven that having children harms parents' health, and it's clear that mothers are hurt more than fathers.
According to the study, the main points of which were cited in the journal TIME, mothers had between one and two hours less physical activity than their childless peers, ate an average of about 370 calories more per day, and both of these figures probably led to overweight, which is more common among mothers.
By the way, the decision to be a non-parent also comes with a health price. Women who have given birth at least once are at lower risk of developing female cancers.
In conclusion - health is wilting and it is predation. So all that's left is the habit.
The benefits of love for children and children are well known. But to get used to it, I only recommend things we want and want, and I don't want children.
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