Do you find it hard to face a child who asks for more and more? 10 tips you should start applying to stop waging power struggles in front of the children
10 gold rules for proper conduct with children
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Who does not know the following situation: come to a family or shop at the supermarket, and our child wants a donut or any other candy. You agree and tell him, "No problem, but one." He wants another donut or other candy, and when he hears the word "no" the argument begins.
You will usually do one of the two things, give in and let go of another donut or candy and be frustrated or leave the writer or party nervously and come home with the boy home, angry and frustrated, all of course accompanied by shouting, throwing threats and punishments into the air, and again - lots of frustration.
Sometimes what they think really drives us, and we may even feel that we are hurting or traumatizing the child. But the thing is not the donut or the candy, the thing is their understanding and that we are doing the right thing for them. We are the parents, and we decide what that means. There is another option. Thanks to 10 tips you should start applying.
1. Talk to them before coming to the party and coordinating clear expectations, what awaits us, who's going to be there. If there is food or anything else we want to limit, tell them in advance that at the party there will be donuts, and we will only eat one donut.
2. Ask them to repeat the expectation. If they are not yet fully spoken, say the beginning of the sentence and let them complete the word. Don't ask "Got it?" Or "Okay?", Because it means nothing to them.
3. If they are big enough and they ask "why", answer them with a rational answer, don't dismiss them with "this way". You could say it's not healthy to eat a lot of donuts, that we care about and want to eat healthy and nutritious things. Little ones can be reminded of the story of the hungry caterpillar, who ate a lot of sweets and stomach ache. The main thing is to understand that there is order, and know how to learn from it and expect it.
4. When they arrive, don't bother reminding them all the time - let them be. When distributing the donuts or sweets, remind them at trial of what you talked about before.
5. If they ask for more, answer them clearly not. Do not smile and smile, be relaxed and give them a clear answer.
6. If they go to the table by themselves, approach and take them away. We aimed them with the hand, reminding them at eye level that we said eating one donut.
7. If they cry and shout, contain the cry. Embrace them or give them a moment to deal with the frustration. Don't try to bribe them with other things.
8. When they calm down, strengthen them and tell them that you saw how hard they were, that they coped like grown-ups, and it shows how capable and capable they are.
9. If they do not relax, you can decide to go, without anger or frustration. It may be too difficult for them, and sometimes they need to create another activity they prefer to help them cope with the current difficulty.
10. At night, before bed, sum up the day and see if they bring it up as something they remember from today. If not, no need to address it.
The writer is a parent facilitator and sleep counselor, the founder of Inner Voice for Parenting
