Riley Perry, who was brutally murdered this week in her home in Rishon LeZion, is one of 16 women murdered in 2023. Her ex-wife, Moshe Peri, was arrested and denied the allegations, and their daughter Sapir shouted at him as he was being taken into custody: "Why did you murder Mom?!" Sapir was later interviewed and said that as far as she was concerned, she no longer had a father, and that she would do everything so that he would not see the light of day.
Children who grow up in a violent home lose both their mother and father. This is a multi-systemic blow to the family, the community, society and the entire country, a real system collapse.
Welfare officials' estimates, based on a 2002 survey, are home to more than 200,600 battered women and <>,<> children who witness violence. Today the circle of violence and witnesses to it is much greater.
Riley complained and repeatedly warned that her life was in danger. The municipal welfare services knew, the police knew too. Moshe has a criminal record, including cases of violence and restraining orders that have been repeatedly violated. In violation of the last order, he murdered Riley in front of their young son.
What is happening inside the homes is not a private problem, but a reflection of power relations in society and distorted patriarchal notions that perpetuate the oppression of the female population as a whole. In order to change the perceptions that are deeply embedded in Israeli society, we must invest in national social infrastructures and education. Our national resilience lies in education. Investing in punishment and enforcement is treating the symptom – but investing in prevention, education and life-creating perceptions is addressing the cause, the cause. Investing in prevention is an investment that changes lives and an entire society.
The next murder is not fate. In order to prevent it, all relevant parties must act systemically, in full synchronization and with an emphasis on appropriate, dialogical, empowering and relevant education. Discourse based on close communication, identification of needs and personal desires must be ensured. A discourse of acceptance, compassion and listening, which teaches family intimacy. Discourse that is non-accusatory, judgmental, critical and diminishing. Discourse that does not include restraining orders, courts, punishment and deterrence.
A person who feels threatened does not shy away from anything. The reality is gray, and so is the complex work that is required of us.
The vast majority of men are not murderers. Violent men are men who are frightened, hurt, cramped, angry, mute and have low self-esteem, most of whom have themselves suffered from violence of all kinds. A frightened and life-deprived person who is in mortal anxiety will do anything to survive, even the worst.
The way of education is a long and continuous way. It requires faith, dedication, confidence and a willingness to work without public resonance. It needs male educators to serve as models for a different masculinity. It's a path without glamour, the results aren't immediate, and the work is arduous – but its salary is the highest of all, and guaranteed for generations.
We must work towards long-term solutions and invest in prevention and education in order to create graduates of the education system who are beneficial, seen, fulfilling, belonging, autonomous, capable and valued. This must be done alongside the development of solutions for women victims of violence, and therapeutic responses for violent men.
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